Creative writing: National Hero Returns Home!

Winston Churchill, the war correspondent that has been held captive in Pretoria has escaped after two months of imprisonment! After fleeing for 300 miles just to rejoin the war effort, now, 1 year later, he has returned to the Island. Difficult as it was, we’ve managed to hold an interview with this young yet resourceful man.

Interviewer: How did you escape?
Winston: Friday night used to be the night when hookers came to visit the guards. They used to take turns, so us prisoners weren’t left unattended. One Friday, this massive argument started between two guards fighting about who would go first. Being drunk as well, the whole thing escalated to a major “settling things like men” kind of thing. In the midst of the fiasco, I took my clothes off, urinated on them, tightly tied them around two bars, and started spinning them so that the bars would bend. I did that on a second pair of bars, got out, and then ran for my life butt-naked.

Interviewer: What happened after that?
Winston: I managed to hide in a train that was transporting sheep to Mozambique. The smell was horrific, and you can imagine that they were pretty agitated because of the noise the train made. But I tell you, I had never felt happier in my whole life. The train stopped in Clewer and I decided to knock on some doors and ask for help. Fortune was definitely on my side as the door that I knocked on was John Howard’s. You can imagine the reaction that he had, having a naked man dressed up in sheep poo knocking on his door in the middle of the night.

Interviewer: Yes I can imagine he had quite the shock!
Winston: Indeed. After that I hid in the underground stables of the mine for six days. When I left for Mozambique, I thanked Howard for saving my life, and he told me something that I will never forget: “You make a living by what you get, but you make a life by what you give.”

Interviewer: As a last question, I am really curious why you chose the front line, the trenches.
Winston: I was stuck with the Grenadier Guards, who were all dry and drank only tea and condensed milk. Being a scotch man myself, and alcohol being permitted in the front lines, it was an obvious choice for me. I have a saying: “If you are going through hell, keep going”. Sometimes you need someone to remind you of that and for me, that someone is Johnny Walker.

Interviewer: Thank you for your time, I hope your adventures take a less dangerous path from now on.
Winston: Thank you, it’s good to be home.

8’th of May, 1900. Interview taken by Alex Petrisor.

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